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In a conversation with a mum after a recent parenting seminar
I was reminded how important it is to get the little things right if we want
to get cooperation from kids….and avoid yelling, nagging and fighting with
them.
She told me how she uses ‘when…then’ language when her
children ask her to do something, particularly when she doesn’t think their
timing is right.
Child: ‘Mum, can I watch TV?’
Parent: ‘When you’ve done your homework/done your
jobs/helped your brother then you can watch TV.’
Grandma’s principle
I call ‘When…then’ language Grandma’s principle. My
grandma was smart. She insisted that children do the boring and difficult
things before they did the easy, fun activities.
Want to go out and play? Sure, but you need to get your
homework out of the way first.
Grandma’s principle is all about getting the order right – get
the boring but important stuff out of the way then you can relax and have
fun.
Grandma’s principle has other applications as well.
You can use it to promote responsible behaviour as
well.
“When you’ve helped your brother with
his homework then you can play a game on the iPad.”
We can also use Grandma’s principle to give kids more freedom.
“When you’ve shown you can catch the
bus to the shops safely on your own then you’ll be able to catch a bus into
the city on your own.”
‘When…then’ opens up possibilities for kids.
Rather than saying “No you can’t have ice cream/use my
phone/go out” you can grant kids their wishes contingent on doing the
important things first.
“When…then” is a useful strategy to add to your parenting
repertoire.
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Emma McKenzie
Teacher - Edgerley Room
Wellbeing Facilitator
