Belief
Matters
Few would
argue that being a parent is one of the hardest roles that anyone could ever
hope to undertake. There is a fine balance needed as we take care of our
children whilst at the same time have the confidence to let them grow up and
learn from their mistakes. Of course, we love our children unconditionally, but
we are ‘engineered’ to protect them from pain or discomfort and as a result it
is difficult to let them experience natural consequences for their actions. To
do so inevitably results in discomfort, disappointment or pain – for them and
us!
How we raise
our children has a significant impact on their lives and in particular their
personality, behaviour, resilience, self-esteem and ability. It is important,
however, to be a parent to the child we have, rather than the child we wish we
had. Not all children are blessed with natural academic abilities that will
result in them achieving A grades all of the time. It is easy to sometimes fall
into the trap of expecting that our children do have this natural ability.
What is more
important for parents to recognise is the role that they have in shaping their
child’s mindset. The language we use as parents and the actions we take to show
our children what we expect, can have a dramatic ability on our children’s
attitude towards learning. Whilst our sons (or daughters) may not achieve an A
grade all of the time, it is important that we help them develop a mindset that
acknowledges mistakes as learning opportunities. As parents, we should be
praising the process that they follow and learn about the role that emotions
play in a child’s learning journey.
To do so is
to embrace the work of Carol Dweck, Professor of Pyschology at Stanford
University. Dweck is one of the world's leading
researchers in the field of motivation, personality and development. Her 2006
book Mindset: The New Psychology of
Success outlines the key outcomes of her research which suggests that
individuals have implicit views of where ability comes from. Some have either a
‘fixed’ theory of intelligence (fixed mindset), whilst others have a ‘growth’
mindset. Dweck found that those who have the latter believe their success is
based on hard work, learning and training. These individuals may not be aware
of their mindset but this can be identified by observing their behaviour, which
is particularly obvious when they experience failure. Those with a fixed
mindset dread failure whilst those with a growth mindset don’t fear failure but
rather see it as an opportunity to learn and improve.
Ultimately,
these different mindsets can play an important role in all aspects of a
person’s life and particularly that of a child. As parents, it is possible to
harness this knowledge to help our children understand about how to approach
many things in life, including learning. Research such as Dweck’s has shown
that the way we praise our children not only has a profound impact on their mindset
but as parents we
have the ability to change our child’s mindset.
For
example, when we praise our children for being smart, it promotes a fixed mindset
as this ties intelligence to their innate ability. Their focus is on performance and therefore, they
see failure as an indictment of themselves. These students do not take
responsibility for their learning, do not pay attention to learning information
and are more likely to experience self-doubt that can lead to lack of
self-esteem, self-worth, students feeling de-energised and in extreme cases
depression. They do not believe they can change or grow, and therefore often
avoid challenges and ‘give up’.
If,
however, we praise kids for hard work, we are telling them that their effort is
worth it and can lead to success. This helps develop a ‘growth’ mindset. These
students believe abilities can be developed and that intelligence is malleable. Their focus is on
learning, the process and opportunities to improve. They see hard work and
effort as resulting in improved intelligence, success and ability over time.
The research
of Dweck and others including neuroscientists, have identified that our brains
are, in fact, malleable. A student’s belief in their learning is critical to
their growth and learning. If they have belief in themselves, they are willing
to take action, and with action comes growth. Discoveries in neuroplasticity
(changes in brain) have identified that behaviours can change our brain and that
these can occur all the time. Every time we learn a new skill or fact, we
change our brain. This all supports the theory that a Growth mindset is
one we should encourage in our children.
So, what can
we, as parents, do to create a Growth mindset environment at home and
with our children?
- Do praise
wisely. Reward perseverance, effort and process, as this creates children
who are resilient. (i.e. “You worked really hard at this”)
- Do not
praise talent or intelligence (i.e. “You must be really smart at this”)
- Be
honest in your praise. Don’t say they can be what-ever they want to (i.e.
a brain surgeon) if they will not ever be one/do not honestly have the
capabilities.
- Use the
words ‘not yet’ instead of fail. Not yet is a path to the future.
Research has
proven that the more we try to exercise our brains, learn from mistakes along
the learning journey, then improved outcomes are possible. Greater persistence
from our children, as well as encouragement from us as parents, can create an
opportunity for our children to develop the right mindset for improvement. Our
challenge as parents is to believe that this is possible.
Emma McKenzie
ELC Wellbeing Facilitator
