1. Give
individual attention to all of your children. It will never be quite equal. But
when someone needs it, be there for them. (Remember, girls like to be
face to face, boys prefer side by side)
2. When
everyone needs attention and individual triage isn’t possible, either use
distraction or do something together.
3. Be
aware of triggers (Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, Tiredness)
and intervene early. If the children are tired and hungry, keep them separated
if you can!
4. Make
sure the big ones don’t become parents to the little ones. “You’re not the boss
of me!” means that someone may be over-exerting their authority and parents
need to be more present.
5. Be
clear on your limits. “We are respectful. We speak nicely.”
6. Avoid
smacking. This models aggression to our children and they’re more likely
to repeat it.
7. Teach
children to soothe themselves. Staring at the sky, breathing, counting back
from 1000 in 3’s… dig a hole in the sandpit to bury your anger, draw your
frustration, listen to music. Each of these ideas can help a child relax.
8. If
you can name it you can tame it. If you sense a child is becoming frustrated,
name it. This will help them know their emotions are normal and can be dealt
with positively.
10. Remember
that it’s tough being a sibling, especially when you’re young. Older siblings
often ridicule and torment younger siblings. This is painful for anyone.
Every parent with more than one child –
in fact, every human in a relationship – will experience some form of conflict,
particularly with those closest to us. Conflict is not always bad. It allows us
to re-examine habits and priorities, and gives us the possibility of progress.
But it can be a problem if we don’t use it to improve.
When children fight with one another,
stay calm, be clear, show empathy. They’re acting up because of the way that
they feel. Help them feel better, and they’ll act better.
Then, invite them to think about how
their behaviour is impacting on others. As they see how what they did affected
others, you can help them to identify better ways to act towards one another,
and slowly move towards making family life happier for everyone.
Emma McKenzie
Teacher - Edgerley Room
Wellbeing Facilitator
