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It’s a quirk of twenty-first century parenting that we need an
objective measure to assess our parenting. Past generations were satisfied
with more subjective measures such as whether their kids were happy; whether
they got good marks at school; whether they were employable; and whether or
not if they stayed out of trouble (read goal in extreme cases)! It’s safe to
say the parenting waters were far clearer in the past than they appear to be
now.
 But
the parenting industry has come a long way in a short time so we now have
stringent indicators that let us know what parenting track we maybe on. And
that, for many people, would appear to be the over-parenting track.
You know you are over-parenting if:
1. You take on all, or
nearly all, of a child’s problems.
Kids are good at handballing their problems to their parents.
They’ll bring disputes with siblings for you to sort; expect you to take
forgotten school lunches to school and pester you to organise their
after-school lives. Mums and dads that over-parent invariably end up sorting
out all their children’s problems which may make life easier in the
short-term, but can mean kids become more dependent on their parents than
children in the past.
Point to remember: Leave some problems for kids to
solve
2. You regularly do for a
child the things he or she can reasonably do for themselves.
It’s an irony of modern life that the busier parents get the
more we tend to do for kids. In the race to get things done we dress young
children; prepare children’s snacks and accompany them on trips outside the
house even when they are old enough to do these activities themselves. If
your child is becoming more rather than less dependent the older he becomes
then it’s probably time to reassess your parenting.
Point to remember: Never do regularly for a child the
things they can do for themselves.
3. You parent the
individual and not the gang
If you are constantly trying to make sure life is smooth for
each child then you are probably parenting the individual, rather than for
the good of the whole family! I’m not talking about ‘playing favourites’,
but having an intense focus on meeting each individual’s wants can often be
at the expense of family life in general. For instance, you allow a child to
go on a sleepover rather than attend the birthday of a sibling. Parenting the
gang means that children need to fit into the patterns of family life and
don’t always get what they want.
Point to remember: Raise your small family with a big
family mindset.
Most of the research indicates the authoritative approach as
‘parenting best practice’. Authoritative parenting is a mix of firmness and
warmth; discipline and nurturance; high expectations and relationship
building. It’s an approach that sits… surprise, surprise… somewhere between
over-parenting and under-parenting. Yep, as always a balanced approach to
parenting, as to most things in life, seems to be the best way to go. Who
would’ve thought it!
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Emma McKenzie
Teacher - Edgerley Room
Wellbeing Facilitator
